If you have read this page previously,
click here for my latest and greatest crappy letter!

Subj:   
Date:    02/25/2001 5:22:54 PM Pacific Standard Time
From:   imp@ I won't disclose his address
To:    ultrarulestheh2o@aol.com

be original!

and stop copying oters pages. if your going to copy FUCKING GIVE EGNOLIGMENT to the origin.

lama

My reply:

Subj:    LEARN TO SPELL!
Date:    02/25/2001
To:    imp@ I won't disclose his address

Hey Lama,

I am not the least bit offended by profanity, but do you have to be so rude? I find it amusing when people get angry over nothing. Or are you just an angry Sea-Doo owner who is tired of getting blown away by Ultras?

Is "EGNOLIGMENT" a word that you just made up? Could you possibly be referring to the word "acknowledgment"? You even managed to mangle the word "other". Or were you referring to an "otter"? Your ignorance comes through loud and clear. So much for my rebuttal to your personal attack.

You make no reference to the page you say I copied. The only page I did copy was my "intelligence test". I found it on some woman's home page and I asked her if she wrote the code for it. She said she copied it from somewhere, but she did not remember where. I asked if she would mind if I put it on my site (after numerous changes) and she said, "No problem." If this is the page you are referring to, I seriously doubt that you wrote the code for it, considering your lack of intelligence. If you do know who the original author is, please send me a link to their page and I will contact them. I would be happy to give credit to the clever person who wrote the original code.

How did you find my page? What search engine and keywords did you use? Do you have a PWC?

Later,
Mark

Then his reply:

Subj:    not lurnin nothin, take your own advice
Date:    02/26/2001 2:57:08 AM Pacific Standard Time
From:    imp@ I won't disclose his address
To:    UltraRulesTheH2O@aol.com

why dont you try ULTRA150.COM

i'm not sorry for how i acted in the first e-mail. if you want to keep that
info on
your hack of a page then contact the sysop of ultra150.com. dont think you
can insult
me you hack.

Then my reply:

Subj:    LEARN TO READ!
Date:    02/26/2001
To:    imp@ I won't disclose his address

You must be referring to my technical information page. Ultra150.com copies a page from the Group K web site and they give credit to them. THIS IS THE EXACT SAME THING THAT I DID! I find it rather amusing that the page you say I copied, is actually a copied page itself. I don't suppose you read the sentences near the top of my page that say, "Group K is a respected PWC performance shop. Their web site is interesting if you are into reading technical information. The following 6 paragraphs are from their latest Ultra page." I did not give credit to Ultra150.com because they are not the ones who wrote the material in the first place. It was Harry Klemm, the "K" of Group K.

My next one, written much better than the first two:

Subj:    Your Ultra 150 site.
Date:    02/26/2001 2:38:55 PM Pacific Standard Time
From:    I won't disclose his address
Reply-to:    mark@ I won't disclose his address
To:    ultrarulestheh2o@aol.com

Mark,
    I just thought I would take a minute to let you know just how crappy your
site really is. I am interested in purchasing a watercraft and have been
investigating on my own through the web. I thought that your web site would
be helpful as well as some others that I had been to. The site that I found
with the most information was www.ultra150.com . I looked further just to
get another prospective and I found your page, which you acknowledge as
crappy right up front so I should have taken that as advice and moved on to
someone else. You show a letter from a customer about a recall that you
pirated off of someone else's page. You are not a "Webmaster", you are a
hack. You offer stolen information as your own and aside from the personal
experience about racing your friend you offer no original insite on the
water craft at all. When I see something that is completely a waste of time
I feel someone should know. I am sure you must have something better to do
with your time than steal content from other sites. How original is that?
Maybe you could specify up front that you are using content from other sites
and that your knowledge about them is simply from riding them and that if
someone wants to know if it is fash you can say "Yes, I go faster than my
friends girlfriend and she is 100lbs lighter". Then we could take it that
you have no technical knowledge but know that it is fast. That would be a
better service and would free up so much more of your valuable time.
Thank you,
Azzy

My extremely long reply:

Subj:    Re: Your Ultra 150 site.
Date:    02/28/2001
To:    mark@ I won't disclose his address

Mark,

Thank you for the input on my site. I have made some changes to further clarify things (that I felt were clear already) and to give credit where it is due. Please read my page again and tell me what you think.

Now I will reply to the various parts of your e-mail. Talk about a waste of time. (This is being sent as HTML, it might look strange if you have your settings configured to receive text only.)

<I found your page> What search engine and keywords did you use?

<which you acknowledge as crappy right up front> No rebuttal here.

<You show a letter from a customer about a recall> I never represented myself as having any customers, nor do I offer any services.

<that you pirated off of someone else's page> I never pirated any HTML from any Ultra site. If I had stolen the e-mails that I provided links to, I would have copied them and put them on my server. I felt that since they opened in a new browser window, were from a different domain and used different colors and fonts, that it was obvious that they were not mine. I felt that they added some insight to what was being discussed. I have identified the source now. I have received e-mails asking about using aftermarket flame arrestors and about the recalls myself. But, anyone can put anything they want to, on their own page. I felt that if I put the e-mails I received, on my page, people might think that I made them up. I feel that referring to outside sources helps validate the topic.

<You are not a "Webmaster", you are a hack> Opinions vary. Call me what you want, you really put me in my place. I will be losing a lot of sleep over this.

<You offer stolen information as your own> I never made any claims that I did any research and development on the Ultra. Harry Klemm of Group K did, and I value his opinion. He is respected in the industry. He put his findings on the web to share with anyone interested. I pass the information along, giving him credit. Is this stealing?

<you offer no original insite (interesting spelling of "insight") on the water craft at all> Did you read the review of my Ultra, my explanation of the recalls, or my break in procedure? Other than the six paragraphs that I copied from (and gave credit to) Group K, all the writing is my own. (Except the old jokes and the silly "intelligence test").

<When I see something that is completely a waste of time I feel someone should know> Again, opinions vary. I have received many compliments on my page. Why do you care if my page is crappy? Why would you waste your time writing to me? I see misspelled words, the wrong words used and pages that are too wide to fit the most common screen resolution of 800 by 600 (horizontal scroll bars are unacceptable), on the Ultra150.com site. Four errors on the home page alone. At least six on the news page. Do I care? No. Would I waste my time writing to the webmaster to tell him to fix it? No. Do I feel that the site (or any other) was a waste of time to build? No. If I see a site that I really don't like, all it takes is one click and I never have to see it again.

<I am sure you must have something better to do with your time than steal content from other sites> Specifically tell me what content I stole and from which sites. I see Ultra150.com copying Kawasaki's, Group K's and Aqua Sports' content. I copied a few paragraphs from Group K and gave them credit. What's the difference? Many people might not be willing to read Group K's long, technical Ultra page. I have condensed it, so hopefully an Ultra owner will read all of it (or at least the headings) and not perform any traditional PWC modifications that would harm their Ultra (such as removing the choke plates, adding a primer kit and aftermarket flame arrestors, something that I have done on many of my friend's watercraft). My PWC site is just a hobby, I only spent a few hours throwing it together and I take a few minutes now and then to edit pages.

<Maybe you could specify up front that you are using content from other sites> I did with Group K originally and now I also have with the two e-mails that I refer to.

<your knowledge about them is simply from riding them><you have no technical knowledge> I make no claims about being an expert, but I do have a long background working with engines and electronics, starting in the early 1970s with motorcycles. I worked as a professional mechanic at an auto dealer in the 1970s and the 1980s. Since then, I have constructed, modified, restored or repaired numerous cars, trucks, big rigs, dune buggies, dirt bikes, Harleys, PWCs, boats, Go-Peds, computers and radio controlled models. I enjoy technical discussions (especially about PWCs) and if you would like to have one, I will give you my phone number (or you can give me yours) and we can talk. I am serious about this. I get free long distance on my cell phone and I am in touch with several Ultra owners around the country. Then again, compared to you, I might not be very knowledgeable or intelligent. But, considering that there were at least four errors in your e-mail, I'm guessing that won't be the case.

Well, this has been the longest e-mail that I have ever written. I'm glad that I watched a good movie while I was typing it or it might have seemed like work. What models of PWC are you considering? Where will you be riding? What are the usual conditions there? Do you currently own a PWC? I'm near Los Angeles, CA. What city are you in? Good luck in your search and let me know what you finally decide to purchase.

Sincerely,
Mark

    Congratulations if you made it this far!  I would like to say that I am not putting down the Ultra150.com website in any way.  It is an informative site and they have a great URL.  The people who sent me the hate mail brought up that site and that is the only reason why I refer to it in my replies.   Most of the errors that I mentioned were fixed shortly after I sent my overly long reply.  I am still waiting for a response.  When I get it, or any other hate mail, I will post it here.  I didn't even goof on that last guy for using the word "prospective" when he should have used "perspective" or for misspelling "fast".  So, make sure you run that hate mail through a spell checker before you send it, which this next guy obviously did not do.

    My latest and greatest derogatory letter!   I swear that I did not make this up and I copied and pasted it EXACTLY as I received it.

Subj:    the people who do not know
Date:    03/24/2001 12:14:39 AM Pacific Standard Time
From:    I won't disclose his address
To:    UltraRulesTheH2O

well hi iam kimble do u have a ultra 150 i bet u dont. i bet your a sea doo whiped because u can not run with the big dogs and your mad. Well iam a helicopter mech. and did at one time work on out boardengines that is 2 stroke engines. i have been around engines all my life.So what your saying on this wed page is crapp "U SAID IT WAS _CRAPPY" AND YOUR RIGHT. I did put a aftermarket flame arrestors on MY ultra 150 they are from k&n and i have ran them from the start of last summer until it got cold. And guess what NO BURNED PISTONS. I have the same carbs. that came with it. So what are u trying to say u are a DECK JOCKEY. I allso did all 3 recalls to my 150 with NO LOST IN SPEED. Yes i have proof i checked it before and after on my G.P.S. . Ok u do not know what a g.p.s. is its ( globe posession system ) it well tell where u are in the world and your speed. The u.s.a. gov. has 31.satellites up there. We the gov. use them for smart bomds . U saw them used in Iraq SO QUESTION MY PROOF. When i get some more money iam going to put 3 pipes on my for about 90 more h.p.. Sorry your Seadoo Sockes .

KING OFF PEED ULTRA 150
                FARMER

Then my witty reply:

Subj:    Re: the people who do not know English
Date:    03/26/2001
To:    I won't disclose his address

Dear "KING OFF PEED ULTRA 150 FARMER",

Thank you for your e-mail. Is this a real letter? Or are you a brilliant satirist? (I have provided hyperlinks to definitions of certain words that I feel you may have difficulty comprehending.) My girlfriend and I have never laughed so hard at an e-mail before. (Or many jokes for that matter.) I could not make up stuff this funny. I want to thank you for all of the laughter that you have selflessly (cluelessly?) provided. Is English your second (or third) language? I hope that your knowledge of helicopter maintenance and repair is far better than your grasp of the English language. Did you graduate elementary school? I am walking around saying "I'm the KING OFF PEED" and laughing hysterically.

I find it interesting how different people have such diverse views of the same thing. I never would have imagined that somebody's interpretation of my page would be that I'm a Sea-Doo owner who is tired of getting beat by Ultras. I find this fascinating.

<i bet your a sea doo whiped> That's easy for you to say and an interesting way of putting it.

<So what your saying on this wed page is crapp> Did you assume that, since crappy has two "p"s, that crap has two also?

I'm glad to hear that you had no problems running <a aftermarket flame arrestors> with the stock CV carbs. There are always exceptions. Many people have burned their pistons from doing this, not ALL people. What octane fuel are you using? With pump gas, there is an increased detonation risk. In addition to the web pages where I read about the problems that aftermarket flame arrestors can cause, I spoke on the phone to an Ultra owner who seized his engine 20 hours after putting them on his. Many owners might feel that the possible slight performance increase is not worth the risk.

<So what are u trying to say u are a DECK JOCKEY.> I will speculate here. Does that refer to someone who stays on the deck and doesn't go into the water? Or is that someone who is good with a deck of cards?

<I allso did all 3 recalls to my 150 with NO LOST IN SPEED.> You are an exceptional guy with an exceptional Ultra. All Ultra owners should strive to emulate you. I have talked to several owners who had a noticeable loss of speed from doing the exhaust recall.

<Ok u do not know what a g.p.s. is its ( globe posession system )> Global Possession System? Where can I get one of those? Isn't that what Saddam Hussein wants?

<Sorry your Seadoo Sockes .> I don't have Sea-Doo socks, but I do have Tigershark underwear.

All kidding aside, you could be a personable guy and I mean no disrespect. But, when I receive a letter with so many errors, how do you expect me to respond?

Sincerely,
Mark

    Do you find this as amusing as I do?  I was attempting to count the number of errors in that last letter, but I felt like my head was going to explode.  Would anyone like to try?

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